by Jason Randall
We thought we heard it all. In the months leading up to my wife and I welcoming twins, family and friends showered us with tips, tricks, warnings, you name it.
Life as we knew it was about to change. I understood how much work was going to be involved (sort of). I had an idea how exhausted we were going to be. I knew our nights having drinks with friends were going to be few and far between.
What I didn?t realize was just how much I would begin to think about my own mortality.
Less than a year ago, I didn?t really think about dying. Sure, I?ve taken risks in the past, or have thought ?I really shouldn?t be doing this.? I?ve even been in two rollover accidents, and I thank God to have been able to walk away from both.
But shortly after noon on April 26, 2012, a whole new perspective washed over my psyche. Not that I didn?t have any reason to live before, but when those beautiful babies (a girl and a boy) took their first breaths outside their mother?s body, my own mortality took hold of my mind and hasn?t let go.
It?s time to take care of myself. These kids need me; and I need these kids.
I can?t wait to coach their soccer teams or help build dioramas for history class. I can?t wait to dance with my daughter on her wedding day. I can?t wait to teach my son how to be a strong, caring, respectful man.
I?m fairly neurotic to begin with, but now, that neurosis has a tendency to become full-fledged paranoia. Every headache I have must be a tumor or meningitis, right? My wife has banned me from looking at WebMD.
It?s not easy to shut it off, but then again, I haven?t exactly done much about it either. By the time the babies are fed, bathed and in their pajamas, cooking dinner is the last thing I want to do. You wanna just grab some McDonald?s?
And forget working out. I can count on one hand (read: one finger) how many times I?ve been to the gym since the babies were born. I want to go. I truly do. It?s just not easy when you factor in exhaustion, taking care of household chores, bills, errands ? and the growing list of unwatched shows on our DVR.
Take all of the guilt from a bad diet and sedentary lifestyle, throw in the worry about how I?d leave my kids financially if something were to happen to me, and I find myself with a horrifying cocktail of stress and anxiety.
I try to tell myself to stop worrying about things outside my control. I may very well be hit by a meteorite tomorrow. That New Madrid Fault Line could let go any moment now. I can?t concern myself with that (OK, I don?t really think about falling space debris or gaping cracks in the earth). When it?s our time to go, it?s our time to go.
So what?s the answer? Perhaps getting these thoughts out is a start. I need to eat right, exercise, drive more carefully, get rest when I can and leave work stresses at the door.
I?m going to continue to love these little munchkins and my wonderful wife as much as I possibly can; to do everything I can to be the best father I can be.
Yes, I?m going to make changes to take better care of myself. Pair that with acceptance and peace in the inevitable, and I?ll truly be able to enjoy every single second with my family to the fullest. I vow to find it soon. I have to if I want to achieve all my goals as a father.
In the meantime, you wanna just grab a burger and catch up on Parks and Rec?
Jason Randall is a former newspaper editor who transitioned to the world of corporate communications. He married the love of his life in 2009 and became a father in 2012. A native of central Illinois, Jason enjoys playing softball, fishing, golf, watching the Chicago Bears and good coffee.
No related posts.
Source: http://www.chambanamoms.com/2013/01/11/on-fatherhood-and-mortality/
norman borlaug santorum new hampshire debate rupaul meet the press steelers vs broncos chris herren
No comments:
Post a Comment
Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.